Red Sox star Jarren Duran opens up about trying to take his own life: 'I didn’t even want to be here anymore'

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The Boston Red Sox are the subject for Netflix’s latest behind-the-scenes docuseries, entitled "The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox."

One of the interviews conducted during the 2024 season was with outfielder Jarren Duran, who had a breakout All-Star campaign. But the interview was quite the serious one, as he discussed his 2021 and 2022 seasons, which he said fueled his attempted suicide. 

Duran has been open about his mental health struggles he’s dealt with, as he wasn’t meeting his high expectations within the organization to start his big league career. 

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Jarren Duran #16 of the Boston Red Sox prepares to bat against the Kansas City Royals at Kauffman Stadium on Aug. 5, 2024 in Kansas City, Missouri. (Ed Zurga/Getty Images)

He revealed that he got the point where "I was sitting in my room. I had my rifle, and I had a bullet, and I pulled the trigger, and the gun clicked, but nothing happened."

"To this day, I think God just didn’t let me take my own life because I seriously don’t know why it didn’t go off. I took it as a sign of, ‘I might have to be here for a reason,’ so that’s when I started to look myself in the mirror after the gun didn’t go off," Duran said in the docuseries, per ESPN. "I was like, ‘Do I want to be here, or do I not want to be here? That happened for a reason, and obviously you’re here for a reason, so let’s be the way you want to be and play [the way] you want to play and live the way you want to live.'"

Duran detailed being in a dark place while hearing fans berate him in the outfield during games. They were yelling to him to go back to Triple-A Worcester, and many other things that only added to how he felt.

RED SOX'S JARREN DURAN SUSPENDED AFTER USING ANTI-GAY SLUR DURING GAME

"I was already hearing it from fans," he said. "And what they said to me, [it was like],‘I’ve told myself 10 times worse in the mirror. That was a really tough time for me. I didn’t even want to be here anymore."

Duran was a rookie during the 2021 season, when he slashed .215/.241/.336 with a .578 OPS over 33 games. He hit three doubles, two triples and two homers with 10 RBI that year. 

His 2022 campaign wasn’t much better, as he hit .221 with three homers and 17 RBI over 58 games (204 at-bats).

However, Duran turned things around in 2023, as he slashed .295/.346/.482 with 34 doubles, eight homers and 40 RBI over 102 games for Boston. 

Manager Alex Cora #13 of the Boston Red Sox reacts with Jarren Duran #16 of the Boston Red Sox as he is presented with the Heart & Hustle Award before a game against the Houston Astros on August 11, 2024 at Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts. (Maddie Malhotra/Boston Red Sox/Getty Images)

He had a career year in 2024, leading MLB in doubles (48), triples (14), at-bats (671) and plate appearances (735), while belting 21 homers with 75 RBI. 

Duran also made his first career All-Star Game, earning MVP honors after belting a home run that helped the American League beat the National League. 

There was some controversy with Duran last season, though, as MLB suspended him two games for saying an anti-gay slur toward a fan. He would quickly apologize, saying that he was sorry for his actions and would work to be better from his mistake. 

"Jarren's decision to share his story is an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball," Red Sox president and CEO Sam Kennedy said in a statement, via ESPN. "By opening up, he's showing others who may be struggling that they're not alone and that asking for help isn't just OK, it's essential.

Jarren Duran #16 of the Boston Red Sox reacts with a 2024 Boston Marathon medal before a game against the Houston Astros on August 10, 2024 at Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts.? (Maddie Malhotra/Boston Red Sox/Getty Images)

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"Every member of this organization continues to stand with him."

So far this season, Duran is hitting .239 (11-for-46) with two doubles, one triple and seven RBI over 10 games. 

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